21/10/09

It's not you, its me..
The phrase is very cliche and i know that, although it may sound cliche.. That is what it is.
'It is not you, it is me'

But i wish that i could say this without using a web log.. but that is my problem, i have too much difficulty doing that. Its too troublesome for everyone around me, including myself.

So i am trying to make myself better, i dont want to disappoint anymore people in my life. The pain is too deep, i've experienced it before but it was not this deep. I guess i could go on and keep blaming everything, "its because its computer", "its just not the same", "its all technologies fault". But if i keep going on like that, it will get me nowhere.

Now i have reach a point where i believe i cannot get any lower, if my life is like a concave up parabola then the only way left is up. I hope that it is only going to go that way and not be a concave down parabola, if it was concave down then i have already reached my maximum point and the only way left is down. Thinking like this - Mathematically - makes sense to me, but i know that life cannot be put onto a graph and explained through equations.

Now that i have written out that stuff, i cant stop thinking that my mind is moving too fast and my heart is not having a chance to decide. Were my actions too hasty? I just did not want to be troublesome to other people. I think that maybe if i have time to improve myself then i will not disappoint you. I know that i have kept everything too myself and was unable to speak clearly but that is just my problem that i want to fix. Most of my life i have been trying to do so but never success, after today i realized that the key to success. But the way i am going i do not want to hurt others, my feelings will get in the way and i will disappoint another person in my life that i do not want to.



This might be the last post on my web logg for now, until i find myself. If i cannot love myself then i cannot love someone else, the same as if i disappoint myself then i will disappoint others.



I wrote this in the hope that i can get better
even if its in the form of an indiscreet letter
i cannot disappoint you again
but i will never forget the times we had.


Focus 'G'. This is going to be hard to handle.




Hahahah looking back over this post it seems like one of those running away notes :P wow i feel kinda dumb posting it, i'll do it anyway.. even though i just wrote it to make me feel better.

haha 'G' you really are dumb sometimes ~.~